I came across this article this morning, “Self-Sabotage in Relationships and the One Question We’re Not Asking” by Crystal Jackson, and the words ‘Men compliment us, and if we don’t fall over with gratitude, they act like we’re egomaniacs.’ – stuck out to me. Personal experience as a Cosplayer and a woman, I’ve been complimented in the past, then when I haven’t answered back the way they hoped for, the person will either become moody, or continue pushing to the point of harassment in hopes of achieving their desired result.
It proceeds to say ‘The compliment isn’t really a compliment then, is it? It’s just a tool they use to get what they want. Otherwise, it would be freely given, without expectations attached. ‘ The writer then goes into detail of how she doesn’t even bother reading messages that start with a compliment, followed up by a question that was clearly answered by a quick look at her bio, finished off with a sentence starting a relationship with her without bothering to ask if she was interested. (Sound familiar?)
Compliments are just compliments, and too many people, men and women alike, use these to get what they want, and don’t bother asking if the person is truly interested in them or the project they are working on. This needs to be recognized as a form of manipulation and needs to be stopped.
I feel the article’s title is a bit off-topic, however I feel that it provides us the solution to the problem so many people face. “We need to start asking! It’s not wrong to be interested and to even reach out and communicate that interest. To proceed as if our interest is implied by our very existence is ridiculous.”
I give away random compliments daily in an effort to make this world a brighter place, but I don’t expect anything extra from providing it, nor do I use them to get my way, and I get right irate at those who think their smooth words are going to push me into doing something I don’t care or want to do. Like anything, compliments can be used for good or bad, it’s how we use them that counts. Ask yourself, am I using this compliment for something? If so, is it to make the world a better place? Or is it for personal gain? Each one of us holds this tool, it’s up to you to choose how it’s used!